When traveling and meeting new people, it helps to know a cheesy joke or two — the cheesier the better in my opinion.
Here’s 20 I pulled out of my hat for you today. Feel free to share your own funnys in the comment section.
1. When asked by a passenger how high he would get, the pilot replied “I don’t do drugs.”
2. They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.
3. If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness.
4. What travels around the world but stays in one corner? A stamp.
5. Did you hear about the pilot who always had work? He was great at landing a job.
6. The passenger couldn’t find where his next flight was, but then he made the connection.
7. Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
8. A man goes to the doctor with a carrot up his nose, and a parsnip in his ear, the doc said, “clearly you’re not eating properly.”
9. I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help”.
10. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
11. A man has died after falling in a vat of coffee, it was instant.
12. My girlfriend asked me to buy something that makes her look sexy again, so I got a crate of lager in.
13. If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
14. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
15. Why did the scarecrow get promotion? Because he was outstanding in his field.
16. A suspect was charged with killing a man with sandpaper, in defense he said, ” I only meant to rough him up a bit”.
17. I was in a car showroom today and the salesman asked, “What are you looking for?” I said, “Because I can’t afford to buy”.
18. I’d like to defend a penguin in court just to say,”Your Honour, my client is clearly not a flight risk.”
19. I’m going to make a TV series about a plane hi-jacking, we just shot the pilot.
(This last one’s a bit longer, but I couldn’t resist!)
20. A man on holiday in Spain thought he would email his sister back in England. But he made a typo, so instead of sending it to Joan Foster, he sent it to Jean Foster, the wife of a recently deceased priest. When she read it, she fainted. It read: “Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.”
Main Image: “Laughs” by Marc Kjerland